P90x

Well it is time for me to quit complaining about how

fat I am and do something about it. I've been wan

ting to start the P90x program again, but haven't found the motivation until recently. My best friend Teresa invited me to join her group in doing the Great in Eight Week Challenge, where you follow all these rules and earn points for them, so I figured why not throw P90x into the mix as well.

I've done it before for a brief period of time wit

h my sister and I felt great. Granted it was only

two weeks, but I could already feel myself getting tighter, stronger, more flexible, and in better shape. I am hoping with the Great in Eight food challenge and doing P90x I'll be able to reach my goal image (I don't really care about numbers, I want to see how my pants fit!).

I started working out yesterday, but the challenge doesn't start until October 30th (it goes until December 24th, I know CRAZY!!) I wanted to start my exercise before the diet so I could be in the habit by the time the diet starts, that way it isn't so overwhelming. I've also decided to make a meal plan for the entire diet (All 8 weeks) so that I have a plan for what I'm eating and I don't snack, or eat something I shouldn't.

I talked with Jesse and I think he is actually going to be a motivator this time... (He usually tells me to cheat and eat candy, or not exercise one day, or something else to keep me from my goals and of course I am always up for some chocolate... ha ha ha)

So this time it should be different, I really want to fit into smaller jeans for Christmas, it would be the best present I ever got. I took before pictures, but there is no way I am

posting them until after I don't look like that anymore. But I am taking 30 day, 60 day, and 90 day photos and will post

them when I feel more confident... he he he. Until then, let your imagination run wild!!

HE'S HOME!!!

After two excruciatingly long weeks, Jesse is finally home!! I still haven't seen him yet since I am stuck at work for another 15 brutal minutes. He has been in Massachusetts for the past two weeks selling solar panels at Costco, but has finally come home to me. It's been great for him to get out there and work, and good timing due to us moving (don't think I've blogged about that yet, will soon) and me needing to get all our crap (yes it was mostly crap) cleaned and figured out. Jesse isn't the best to try and get projects done with, he gets bored easily... ha ha ha.

I thought of getting on here to kill some time so I'm not watching the minuets tick by slower than tar moving up hill. Lo and behold I've killed a whole three minutes.... Ugh!! Come on 4 o'clock, I need to see my handsome boy!!! :)

Towels

I know this will be silly, but I was reading my blog earlier and decided I wanted some more silliness in my life... So to begin let me explain about our towels. (Please don't get grossed out....)

I love towels. They are warm and fluffy and can be so soft after a shower. I love to wrap myself up in one after a cold swim and cuddle with the softness, I'm a dork, I know. Well last year I wanted to be a money saver by making my own laundry detergent! Little did I know how hard this experiment would be on my precious sensitive towels.

The first wash and dry wasn't so bad, then came the cat peeing incidents (Yes I said incidents, we didn't learn the first time). Apparently our cute little Princess Sophia likes to get back at us when we've spanked her, yelled at her, or ignored her by peeing on clothes and towels left on the floor. It's pretty much any material left on the floor will get doused in her teenage anger. I was angry to say the least the first time it happened, and it is only by Jesse's grace that Sophia is still alive and with us today. The second time it happened, Jesse was the lucky one that he didn't die first!!!

When we tried washing the smell out with all manner of different concoctions (Hexol, bleach, fabric softener) it took most of it out, but left a lingering after smell that would gently cross your nose when using the towel to dry off. Then my towels, now offending my nostrils, began to become hard and coarse. They no longer held their magic warmth and fluffiness I longed for on a crisp morning. It is sad to say, but my heart was broken.

My money saving days were done and I was ready to head back to the good stuff, name brand detergent!! Unfortunately my bank account didn't agree with the $30 price for a bottle (I know it is an exaggeration, but still that crap's expensive!). So onward we went with our sham of a detergent. I swear every time we washed them again they would get worse! But we endured.

Suddenly an Angel in the form of my mother came to us and took us shopping. Oh what joy we had when we were able to purchase the name brand gold we had been so longing for. We carefully carried it up our three flights of stairs and set the precious commodity on our table. The lid was opened immediately and we allowed the aroma to fill our home.

The first wash was heavenly. I am now, literally, laying in my pile of freshly washed and dried towels letting it's sweet scent drift across my blissful face. Thank you to the Angel that blessed this occasion and to the Lord for giving me the patience to wait this long without murdering my cat and husband.

New Record!!

Well I think this is a new record!! I went three months without posting... Oh this is sad! At first there was nothing to blog about and now there isn't enough time to blog all the crazy things we've been up to... But I have found myself with some extra time so I will try and get everyone updated in a few posts. I guess we can start out with the simple stuff first.

I started school in the beginning of June. I am attending LDS Business College downtown and it

is everything I ever dreamed of. I didn't realize how much I missed learning, the classroom, and the homework! I am being serious. I truly feel at peace with my life while I am learning. Work is making it a little difficult and due to financial situations I doubt I will be able to return in the fall, so I am soaking up all the school I can until then.

I, emotionally, am doing better with my Grandma and Matt's death. But it still is one day at a time. There are still times when something happens and I think "Oh, I have to call Matt and tell him....". It makes it hard, but then I try and think that he already knows and is probably laughing about it. :)

Jesse never went to Texas (not sure if I even

blogged about that...) and now is looking for a job while keeping the television busy with video games and streaming Netflix... Oh how I love him. He was going to try to go to Westminster in the fall, but just like me, we can't afford to send him and student loans are piling high.

I don't know if I ever mentioned this before, but since it has been so long, and I'm sure many of you already might know, Jesse and I have been trying to get pregnant for the last year and 8 months. Unsuccessfully. We have started going to the doctor to see what tests we can do to get a baby in my belly, but they have to be few and far between due to the large size of the $$ on the bills. We often question whether or not we should continue down this path because if we can't afford the doctor, why do we think we could afford a child. We know you can never really afford kids, but when you're that poor.... maybe you should keep waiting. I just feel like the waiting will never end in that case. I pray continually that the Lord will give me the patience I need to wait for his timing, but each month it's getting harder and harder.

I know we haven't been trying very long compared to some, but it feels like an endless eternity with no hope in sight.

Well here is to me, once again, trying harder to get on here an blog. But let's all be honest. I'll probably fail.... So I guess this is goodbye for another three months. :)

Fun Weekends!

I am so so so excited!!! We are getting out of town tonight to go to the Lava Hot Springs!!! :) I've never been and I can't wait to get there!! I'm taking lots of pics... I know, actual pictures to put on my blog....!! If only I can find the cord that will plug my camera into my computer.... Grrr! So every cross your fingers that I find my cord, because I know you are all DYING to see tons of pictures of me having a great weekend.... And I will see you all again Sunday morning!! ;)

Time for some happiness!

So I keep telling myself I will get more positive on here, but then I never do, so time to put my words into actions.
First positive thing is I got gel nails this morning!! and I love them!! Better than a manicure, but not as time consuming, or long as acrylics! They are the perfect answer to my ugly nail situation!! Ha ha, but the girl that did mine didn't know what she was doing and I felt really bad, because I didn't know what I was doing either, so there were a lot of awkward pauses and avoiding eye sight. But I love them!!
Second positive thing: I don't care if it kills me, starting next week I am going to start eating better and exercising EVERY day. I have been trying to get back into eating right and exercising, but I have no will power what so ever so I usually end up caving and having tons of sweets and not exercising... Not this time! And I will punch Jesse in the face if he even tries to get me to eat sweets, which I am going to avoid like the plague. He always tries to make me go off my eating healthy-ness, but not this time! So if you see Jesse with a few black eyes over the next couple of months, you'll know why. :)

And we're back!

Well I have to apologize for my long absence, but it was due to the fact that I had nothing positive to add to the world wide web. However, it is time to break my fast from my blog. Some time has passed and life still is what it is. If you don't want to read negative things, then I'm sorry again. There will be down days and I'll have to write it out and that is what this blog is for. As for an update on my life, nothing has changed. I'm still working, Jesse is still going to school, we still don't have any kids, and life is relatively happy.

I still miss Matt terribly. I know I'm beating a dead horse, but I can't breathe sometimes. I've tried to forget, tried to move on, but he's still missing. Life is different and I don't like this new life. I would do anything to have him back for one day, to tell him I love him, one last time. I went to Arizona this weekend with my mom. It was wonderful, minus the fact that everywhere we turned we were talking about death. Whether it was over Matt, my grandma, or some other family member, death was in the air. I tried to escape, tried to get away mentally, but it was there, waiting for my return.

Sometimes I wish I could get away for a few weeks, lay on some beach in the sun, with no one but myself. I could listen to the wave crash against the sand, and feel the breeze on my face. I don't think I would come back... I can see why people get addicted to fantasy. Whether it be movies, video games, or celebrity watching I can see the lure, the enticement. It is so much easier to deal with this life when you are living a dream.

Well my unorganized ramblings are done with for now. I wanted to let you all know, I'm back, I'm okay, and I'll try my best to keep it upbeat! :) Have a Happy Thursday!!